Honesty
by pretty peach
Summary: Bellarke. Set after episode 3 of season 4. Clarke comes to Bellamy in the middle of the night and they end up having a refreshingly honest conversation. Rating is due to language. Oneshot. Hope Bellarke fans enjoy!


Earlier in the day, Jaha had told him that Clarke was lucky to have him. That he kept her centred. Although he privately liked to think those things were true, Bellamy knew that the reverse absolutely was true- _he_ was lucky to have _her_ , and _she_ kept _him_ centred. When he was being honest with himself, he admitted that somehow, she had become _the_ centre.

He rolled over onto his back, fully clothed except for his boots. Looking up at the ceiling, he placed a hand under his head, propping himself up a little on his narrow bed. Bellamy didn't know what time it was - just that it was late and Arkadia was relatively quiet. The conversation with Jaha kept playing itself over in his head, and made it impossible for him to catch any more sleep.

He definitely needed it - his whole body was tired and exhausted, and he felt like there was an Octavia shaped hole in his life, and sometimes at night, when he had time to stop and think, his heart ached. For Octavia - hoping that she was alright in Polis. For his people – about their future. And for Clarke – wanting to comfort her. Seeing her write the list, in tears, had nearly torn his heart in two. And for himself, a bit - he craved her and it was becoming harder and harder to ignore the shit storm of feelings he harboured for Clarke.

And he knew that she had recently lost Lexa, and that she was grieving. But the truth was, sometimes, he just wanted to sit with her, or sleep next to her. He felt lighter around her, even though that seemed impossible, and he believed that she felt lighter too. That they were better together.

He sighed heavily, closing his eyes. The fluorescent lights from outside his tiny room filtered in through the crack under the door. Every now and then he heard someone walk past, and saw their shadow block out the light. Miraculously, he felt himself drifting off to sleep.

There was a knock on his door. His eyes flew open. It wasn't urgent, but it came again - two light raps and then silence.

It was obviously Clarke. Anyone else for any other reason would have barged down his door by now. He crossed the room quickly, took a deep breath and opened the door.

"You're awake," she stated, looking up at him. "Can I come in?"

He shrugged, tugging down his thread-bare T-shirt he'd had for years. It surprised him that he still had it, through everything that had happened to him. Bellamy opened the door a little wider, and she slipped through. He leaned against the door after he closed it - watching her carefully.

Clarke had already removed her jacket and put it over his own, hanging on a chair. She sat down on his bed and began unlacing her boots, and it was then that Bellamy felt the need to say something.

"Clarke," he said, half-assed embarrassed as he heard his voice crack, "What are you doing?"

She paused, sighed, and looked up at him. "Do you remember what an asshole you used to be?"

Bellamy half-smiled, pushing himself off the door and walked to where she sat. She was still looking at him.

"Yes," he admitted, sitting beside her. "But this seems like an odd time of night to reminisce about me being an asshole."

"You really were." Clarke went back to removing her boots as she spoke. "Whatever the hell we want. And different girls in your tent every night. Like a revolving door."

"Someone was listening in history class," he commented, raising his eyebrows. "I don't mean to jump to conclusions, but it looks like you're planning on staying here tonight."

Clarke nodded at him. She looked sort of like she always did – clear eyes and a fearless expression. His heart constricted in his chest when her expression softened and she said, "I just don't want to be so alone anymore. And I feel better when I'm with you."

"What I'm trying to say," she continued, after a brief silence, "is that I know that you don't think you deserve to survive. You have come so far. And you have redeemed yourself over and over. And the only way I survive is if you survive too."

He realised that he had been quiet too long, and she was expecting him to say something. He looked at her, watching her chest rise and fall as she breathed. It dawned on him that she knew that when the day came, he would sacrifice his spot on the list so that someone else could be saved.

"How did you know?" he asked her, as she fidgeted with the blanket on his bed.

"I know you," she replied simply, "and I came here because it feels right when I'm with you. And I want you to know that you deserve to be on that list. And when the time comes, _you_ will be on the arc, surviving. _We_ will be on the arc, surviving. Together."

He leaned his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands. "Clarke..."

"I won't take no for answer," Clarke said in a firm tone. "We're both struggling with being on that list. At least we can struggle together."

Bellamy laughed in a sad sort of way. "You are always so fucking stubborn."

Now Clarke laughed shortly, a foreign sound to his ears. "That's rich, coming from you. Right now, I want to stay here. I want to sleep near you."

Bellamy turned his head to look at her. "Honestly, the thought of you being in my bed is more than I can handle right now."

Clarke blushed, just a little, but Bellamy caught it despite the dark room. She rolled her eyes to cover up her nerves. "I'll be fully clothed. Now don't be a pervert."

"After you," he finally conceded with a sigh, and she crawled over to the far side of his bed. He watched her, savouring the moment. It was the most that Clarke had ever opened up to him, and he felt that their relationship had just been blown wide open.

After some trial and error, they found a position that was comfortable enough for both of them, and they fell asleep easily. When they woke up, they had each gotten a solid four hours of sleep and felt ready to take on the world (Clarke mentioned that actually, that's exactly what they were doing). He rolled his eyes at her, and she half smiled and left for the day. She came back to his bed that night, and the night after that, and they took it a day at a time.

Author's note: I don't own anything to do with the 100. I was just so psyched to see Bellamy and Clarke back on the same team that I was inspired to write this. If you like it, please review! Thanks :)


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